She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
