It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
