My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
