I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
