Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so that wasnt chicken after all
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
