i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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