My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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