your room smells of hookers.
And success
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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