ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
