vagina is talking i cant
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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