my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
