Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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