fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
