you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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