I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
