I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
