Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
