I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Blood and glitter go together right?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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