Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
