So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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