I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
