hotel room ftw
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
