We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize