So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
