I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm at about main and main street
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
