Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
