White coat. Heels.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
