Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
