dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
