you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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