Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
