i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
