its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
