saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
