guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize