There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
