If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize