Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
