I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize