Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
This girl is more easily done than said...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
