walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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