I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
