I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I believe in your delicious
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize