My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
