Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
