So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
