I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just gargled with NyQuil
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
