I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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