he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
