its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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