well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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