Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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