the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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