I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
