Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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