Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize