am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
