I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
