Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
