We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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