I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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