dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
