I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
