At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
