I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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