New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
