Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
