Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
