i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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