If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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