Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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