right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
