Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(775): View more from Nevada

Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink

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(503): View more from Oregon

So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.

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(720): View more from Colorado

the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.

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(845): View more from New York

im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina

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(336): View more from North Carolina

as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love

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(512): View more from Texas

I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.

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(530): View more from California

I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.

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(077): View more from

I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night

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