I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My dick has a subreddit
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
