My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
