How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
