there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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