My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
