ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
