god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
