You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
