i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
