wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
