i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
