U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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