Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
