If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
