I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
