i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
