please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
