turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I will pee on everything he values.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
