Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
