I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
