We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
my poor anus
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I party with great urgency now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
