Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
