I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize